Ep. 93 Loving Others Better Using the Enneagram with Natasha Smith
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Ep. 93 Loving Others Better Using the Enneagram with Natasha Smith
If you ever wish you knew what was behind the behavior of your family members or friends, today’s episode is for you. We’re talking with Enneagram coach, Natasha Smith all about how the Enneagram framework can help us understand ourselves better AND improve our relationships with anyone in our lives.
We talked about:
What the Enneagram is and how it’s different than other personality tests
A brief overview of the 9 types
How to find your type
How to guess what others’ types might be
How the Enneagram helps you find compassion and connection for your loved ones
What’s the Enneagram??
The Enneagram is an ancient personality typing system. It’s a nine-point diagram that points to nine different views that people have of the world.
The Enneagram shows us our patterns and helps us streamline our personal growth because the same problems are underlying a lot of the issues in our lives.
The unique difference about the Enneagram is that it shows our inner motivation behind our actions. Many other personality tests like Meyers-Briggs or DISC talk about what you do while the Enneagram explains why you do what you do. It helps us understand our core motivations, fears, and desires.
The 9 Types of the Enneagram
Here are the 9 different types. Does one sound like you right from the start?
Type 1: The Perfectionist
Type 2: The Helper
Type 3: The Achiever
Type 4: The Individualist
Type 5: The Investigator
Type 6: The Loyalist
Type 7: The Enthusiast
Type 8: The Challenger
Type 9: The Peacemaker
How to Find Your Type
Natasha suggests beginning by reading about each type, not just your own. You can take a test online, but it’s easy to be mistyped with a test. You can check out the different types by going to the Enneagram Institute.com.
Natasha also has a FREE GUIDE to the Enneagram
The Enneagram and Relationships
Kristin shared that the best thing the Enneagram has done for her is to help her find compassion for herself and others. It helps you judge others less because you understand their motivations.
It’s important not to type other people but to let them explore it for themselves. So how do we let the Enneagram help our relationships without doing typing each other?
Natasha suggests starting by just being a really good listener. Notice their characteristics and the specific words they say. Ask clarifying questions like, “Why do you think you feel that way?” Just be a good listener and connect. Use the clues to help you, but you don’t have to get right. Any information helps you connect and find compassion for them.
Once we know what our partner or loved one’s type is, how do we use that information without taking responsibility for their needs?
Knowing our partner’s type helps us talk to them in a way that supports them, helps them feel understood, and doesn’t trigger their fears. It helps us be a little more aware of their desires and needs and meet them halfway. It helps us listen well for the things that are particularly difficult for them. (Natasha gives a great example of this in her own marriage around 36:00.)
This offers us a way to connect without needing to be a certain thing for them or fix how they’re feeling. We can have empathy and just be there with them in the emotions they’re feeling. It allows deeper connection when you understand why they feel something rather than talking them out of it and trying to make them feel better. Knowing their type can help you accept them right where they’re at without trying to change them.
Links Mentioned In This Episode
Find Natasha Smith at http://www.radiantlyflourish.com/ or connect with her on Instagram @radiantlyflourish
Want to know your Enneagram type? Grab Natasha’s FREE GUIDE to the Enneagram
Natasha’s FREE GUIDE: How Each Enneagram Type Shows Love
Kristin’s favorite book about the Enneagram: The Road Back To You
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